Monday, August 17, 2009

Just Saying No

This last week was booked solid with playdates, doctor's appointments, school clothes shopping, birthday parties and even a grown-up party. I am amazed that I allowed our schedule to get so crazy but it just sort of happened without me realising what was going on. This last year I decided to take a break from all of my extra activities that I can so quickly fill my time with. I just wanted to enjoy Addie's first year and to really focus on the needs of our family. This was not as easy as it sounds. In fact, I still feel nauseous every time I say "no" to something or someone. I am naturally a people-pleaser. I want everyone to like me and to approve of how I spend my time. Well, in my latest (and yet to end) quest of discovering who God made me to be I have decided that I cannot do it all. Actually some days all I can do is manage to keep the kids fed and alive. I came to a point where if I was going to maintain all my previous social, church, family, wifely, and work related obligations I was going to have to get on some sort of medication. I am dead serious. But because nursing Addie was at the top of my priority list I decided to forgo meds and give up the activities instead. And even though I still cringe at saying "no" I am so glad every time that I do. For a while I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. It felt selfish to say no to volunteering opportunities, invitations, playdates, girls nights, church potlucks, family reunions, etc. and I kept expecting God to show me the error of my ways. Because in all honesty I never heard God speak in His best Darth Vader voice, "Jessica, I want you to only focus on your family during this time. Give all the other stuff up." But through relationships I have with other mommies I felt like God was showing me that it is okay to enjoy different seasons in life in different ways. My kids need me more now than they ever will and I just feel really comfortable taking a break from all the stuff that will still be there when my babies are no longer babies. Right now I may not be able to attend all the events or make all the meetings but I can love and serve my family to the very best of my ability. And even then I don't always do that well but God is gracious and blesses my efforts regardless. ;)

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