Thursday, March 17, 2011

My life as a sitcom

Scene: Set in a health food store. Mom is having to bring both her kids to work because of Spring Break (a vacation for everyone but her) and has just set down the five bags she has loaded up with snacks, lunch, toys, movies, games, drinks, extra clothes, files, computer, etc.

MOM: "Addie, do you need to go pee pee?"

Phone rings

MOM: "Health Food Store. This is Jessica."

Bank VP: "Jessica, we have a very serious issue with your store account..."

Mom looks down at daughter and notices a VERY LARGE puddle forming at her feet. Audience gasps. Mom strips down daughter and carries her to the bathroom and sets her on the potty while daughter is crying in Mom's ear...Mom is still on the phone.

MOM: "A problem? What is going on?"

Mom runs back to the office to clean up the mess while Bank VP explains she wrote a check out of the wrong account and now doesn't have enough funds to cover it. Mom finds Jack, the big brother dancing in the pee puddle.

Jack: "Mommy!" I have to pee pee! I have to pee pee NOW!" Audience laughs.

Mom, still on the phone trying to remember account numbers to make funds transfer runs back to the bathroom where the screaming 2 year old is, pulls her off the potty, points to the son then the potty.


Mom runs away from the screaming daughter back to the office to finish cleaning up the puddle and her phone conversation. She hangs up the phone, dresses the daughter and notices that Jack has yet to make an appearance out of the bathroom. Background music: DUN DUN DUHHHHH!
Mom opens the bathroom door to find yet another puddle on the floor!

Jack: Looks up with big brown sad puppy eyes, "Somehow pee pee got on the floor. I stood like a statue but my pee pee went everywhere." Shrugs his shoulders like it is a mystery to him and just walks away leaving pee pee footprints all the way back to the office.

Mom cleans new puddle and footprints and heads back to the office to find her not cheap self-inking stamp filled with a mixture of lotion, water and ink. Ink is all over the desk and dripping on the floor. Mom spends the next 20 minutes trying to salvage the stamp, desk and floor while sacrificing her manicured nails.

Lights fade to black...except in the real world the Mom continued to work with stained hands, came home, cleaned the house, and made dinner. By the time Dad came home the situation was already losing its harshness and made for a pretty great story to tell.

No comments:

Post a Comment