As I sit here and start to blog I am overcome with a ridiculous sense of guilt. I feel guilty because I probably should be folding the laundry that just got done drying or getting a head start on dinner while the kids are still napping, or working on my store's financials, or writing my store's next ad, or taking out the recycling which is overflowing, or basically doing anything that isn't for me. I decided to ignore this feeling of guilt today because I know that I cannot be the only mom out there that feels this way. So maybe I'm supposed to confess to my secret guilt so that someone else out there may not feel so alone today in theirs.
I don't know what it is about being a wife and mom that causes so much pressure. To be honest I don't really have many outside sources putting pressure on me. My kids wouldn't care if I didn't make some elaborate meal for dinner and just served reheated chicken sticks, my husband isn't going to care that I didn't jump on the laundry the minute it stopped drying, and I get to make my own deadlines when it comes to my store. So why all the pressure? I really have no answer for this one. If someone out there does, please clue me in.
But for the very first time in my whole life I feel too overwhelmed. Don't get me wrong, I've been overwhelmed before. I was overwhelmed when I was working full time going to college and building a house all at the same time but even then it wasn't unmanageable. But all of a sudden I feel like I will explode or implode at any second. My first thought was to talk to my doctor about getting on some kind of anti-anxiety medication. (now this should alert you to just how crazy I feel because I am usually not in favor of prescription meds. I mean I run a health food store for crying out loud.) But I've decided to take a different approach for now. I've decided to actually practice what I preach. (Just a note, I am not saying that I think medication is unnessesary.I do believe it is important to treat anxiety with every means possible. For me personally, it is a last resort.)
So I have two things that I have begun...The first being that I am going to focus on my nutrition. I kind of let things get out of hand over the holidays. We no longer had a set routine so I completely stopped taking my vitamins and we were always running from place to place which meant eating on the run as well. So that all has stopped and I am making a conscience effort to be more deliberate about taking care of my health. It is funny how I put so much effort into my family's health and the health of my customers yet I always put mine on the back burner. Well, not anymore. The second and probably the most important change I've made is to dive into God's Word. I've always tried to have a "quiet time" but other things, such as laundry, for some reason seemed more important. So I would just try to fit God in where I could. Well, I don't know why it took 27 years for me to realize that maybe God should come first but it has finally clicked (or I have snapped ;).) And I have been so blessed lately through my time Him. I can think of three very big concerns I have had weighing me down in which He has lifted through reassurances in His Word. Isn't He awesome?
But, let's face it, I still feel crazy 90% of the time but for now I'm going to cling to the hope that I have in God's faithfulness and in the knowledge I have in my body's ability to cope with stresses when properly nourished. I'll let you know how it goes!
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